Jealousy- Article About Jealous Past Not Equalling Your Future

Your Past Doesn't Have to Equal Your Present
or Future
by Susie and Otto Collins

In this article, we're going to be looking at how jealous feelings more than likely originate from events, situations and relationships that both people have experienced in the past.

What we've discovered, in our own lives and in what our clients have told us, is that we are all given infinite chances to heal, grow and change behaviors and beliefs that hold us back and keep us down.

When jealousy is experienced, there is usually a repeating pattern that can be uncovered if you are willing to look.

Begin to look for similarities or patterns in your past relationships
and especially in the relationship of your parents or primary
care givers. You may not discover that "jealousy" played a role in these relationships but you may remember feelings or fears that are similar to ones that you are now feeling.

You might be asking why it is important to dredge up feelings that you probably have been trying to forget.

The reason it's so important for you to become aware of patterns
and similarities is so you can remind yourself when they come
up in your present relationship that these thoughts and feelings
may be about the past and not necessarily about the present.

We can't tell you how important this step is in your healing process! When you realize that these jealous thoughts and feelings in your current relationship may actually be coming from a relationship with your father who was never there for you as you were growing up or your mother who always seemed to be angry with your father, you can begin to look at your current relationship with new eyes.

We've also discovered how frequently people replicate in some
form or another their parents' or primary care givers' relationships,
even though it may not be apparent when their relationships are
new.

By stopping your jealous thoughts and actions long enough to
bring yourself out of replaying these old relationships, you begin
your healing process.

So we suggest that you make a list of your major relationships,
including your parents and primary care givers. Write down the feelings and actions that you witnessed or acted out that are similar to what's going on in your relationship today.

By becoming aware of these patterns, you can learn to stop
yourself from harmful thoughts, words and actions. When these
come up, you can tell yourself that these were in the past and
you don't have to recreate them in your present or future.