What is Jealousy?
by Susie and Otto Collins

Marianne Williamson says, "Everything we do is either an act of love or a cry for help." The Course of Miracles says there are only two emotions: love and fear. 

It's been our experience that what's underneath jealousy is fear of one kind or another. Jealousy is about real or imagined fears--fear of abandonment, fear of loss of love, fear of being dishonored in the relationship, fear of being shamed in the community, unresolved issues from past relationships, lack issues, poor self esteem, cover or mask for things from the past that you haven't healed yet, vindictive or a desire for revenge that is misguided or misdirected toward someone else.

When jealous feelings come up, it's usually because we're afraid that we won't get our needs of one kind or another met. It's been our experience that when jealousy comes up, somewhere within us, we are crying out for help.

Jealousy usually seems to result from a couple of different scenarios:

There is "proof" or at least a strong suspicion that agreements and commitments between two people have actually been broken by one of them or … 

It shows up when one person or both people in the relationship are very insecure in their relationship or in life.  Jealous feelings come up with a partner, or others, whose actions haven't warranted it.

Whatever is going on--whether the jealousy is "warranted" or not--fear is at the bottom of those feelings and there's a lot more going on than what is on the surface. Until we look at those fears and begin to heal them, no matter what relationship we're in, jealousy will creep in again and again.

In their descriptions about their jealousy challenges, many people talk about "withdrawing," "getting quiet," "becoming numb," "saying things they didn't mean" and "lashing out."  These behaviors are all ways to shield, protect and insulate themselves from the pain they are feeling inside themselves.  

These things they are doing also create a serious impact on their relationships. 

If jealousy is an issue in your life, we suggest that you try to understand your behavior and what's underneath it and then you can begin to take steps to heal it.