All About Jealousy Articles

Oh, the Stories We Tell!
by Susie and Otto Collins

So what are these "stories" and why do they "rule" our thoughts?

These "stories" are the thoughts that come up (usually from past
experiences) that create elaborate plots about what may or may
not actually be happening in "real life."

We've all had them and we all do this from time to time. Have
you noticed that most of the "stories" that you have created
about why a person acted in a certain way or why he/she said
the things they did turned out to be untrue?

This is also the way it is with jealousy. People rehash their
stories (usually untrue) over and over in their minds and with
each "rehashing," their jealous feelings, words and actions are
intensified and made worse.

Within each "story" is an element of fear that what happened
in the past will happen again.

So, the question is-- How can you stop the "stories" that you
are concocting in your head that may or may not be true?

The answer is to stay in the present moment.

What we mean by staying in the present moment is when you
feel yourself drifting into conjecture about what may or may not
be happening, mentally pull yourself into what is true right now.

Even if there's a basis for your jealous thoughts, come into the
present moment, stop the "stories," and come up with a plan to
discover what's real in your situation.

You might say this is easier said than done but we say that it just
takes practice and the desire to change an old behavior that is
causing you problems in your life.

If you find your mind wandering to jealous thoughts and you know
that there's really no reason for those thoughts, shift to doing
something that you consider fun, calming or stimulating.

Ask yourself this question--
"What do I like to do that either I haven't done in a long time
or I don't do enough of it?"

It might be that when you begin to create "stories" in your head,
you decide to take a walk and focus on the beauty around you.
Not only is the walk good for you but the movement will help shift
your thoughts.

It might be that you decide to play with your dog, work in your
garden, or read a book. Whatever it is, make a conscious
decision to breathe and change your thoughts.

This is not to deny your feelings but rather to shift your attention
so that your jealousy doesn't turn into a monster.

If you do, we think that you will see your jealous thoughts, feelings
and actions lessen and you will move toward your healing.