Jealousy Advice- Learn to Understand the Roots of Jealous Behavior- Information and Advice to Let Go of Jealousy

Understanding Jealousy on the Way to Letting it Go
By Susie and Otto Collins

If jealousy shows up regularly in your love relationship or marriage, it's highly likely that you want nothing more than for it to just go away!

Whether you have a tendency to be jealous or you are with a person
who is easily and often jealous doesn't really matter. The fact is,
jealousy is present in your relationship and chances are you and your
partner are more tense and moving further apart because of it.

Sometimes the most effective way to start to make a shift and turn
around a disconnecting habit is to getting a clearer view of what the
problem is in the first place.

We're not recommending that you dissect everything that you and your partner said or did that seemed to lead to the jealousy arising.

Instead, we suggest that you become curious about yourself and your
mate in order to gain a deeper understanding of the jealous behavior.

Be willing to look beneath the surface of what seems to be happening
and open up to the probability that there is something quite
different going on within yourself or within your partner.

This deeper understanding can not only help diffuse some of the
resentment, frustration or anger either or both of you might feel, it
can also be a path to letting go of jealousy and starting to move
closer together again.

Possible contributors to jealous behavior and feelings:
Fears of loss or rejection
Low self-confidence or insecurity
Feeling rejected in the past by this mate or a previous one
Mistrust of others
Unresolved past betrayals
Overall lack mentality-- approaching life with the assumption that
there is never enough of something

These are just a few common factors that contribute to jealousy in
people.

They might relate directly to the current relationship the
jealous person is in or they may have the strongest ties to past love
relationships or even childhood experiences. They could also link to
the person's general approach to life.

Get to the roots of the jealousy in your relationship.
*If you are the one in your relationship who tends to be jealous,
take some time and try to discover the roots of jealousy for you.

You might create a quiet space for yourself where you will not be
interrupted and then still your mind. Ask yourself how you are
feeling right now. Simply pay attention to those feelings.

Think about a recent situation in your relationship in which you felt
jealous. Try to recall the feelings you had at that time.

Are there any predominant thoughts going through your mind? During
this exercise it is very important that you observe what's coming up
for you (or what came up for you) from a place of curiosity and an
intention to understand.

This exercise is not about pinning the blame for the distance in
your relationship on you, your partner or another person in your life
who seems to be linked to your jealousy.

*If your partner tends to be jealous, encourage and offer support as
he or she takes the time to try to better understand the jealousy.

You might make some time to explore your own feelings and to gain
insight about how you usually react when your mate becomes jealous.

Once your partner is ready to share with you what he or she has
learned, stay open and adopt that sense of curiosity that we've
suggested.

Take steps toward completion, healing and a jealousy-free relationship.
Now that you have each started the practice of tuning in to how you
are feeling and getting a clearer awareness of how you tend to react
in certain situations, you can decide what your next best step might
be.

Brainstorm about possible ways you each could act or speak
differently in particular contexts. Come up with agreements you both
are open to and willing to commit to.

Congratulate one another when you notice that you are following through on your plan.

Be sure to also take steps toward making completions about your past and healing any wounds from old relationships that you might still be carrying around.

The clearer and more present you can be in this relationship, the
more likely it is that jealousy will show up less frequently.