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| Oh, the Stories We Tell! By Susie and Otto Collins So what are these "stories" and why do they "rule" our thoughts? These "stories" are the thoughts that come up (usually from past experiences) that create elaborate plots about what may or may not actually be happening in "real life." We've all had them and we all do this from time to time. Have you noticed that most of the "stories" that you have created about why a person acted in a certain way or why he/she said the things they did turned out to be untrue? This is also the way it is with jealousy. People rehash their stories (usually untrue) over and over in their minds and with each "rehashing," their jealous feelings, words and actions are intensified and made worse. Within each "story" is an element of fear that what happened in the past will happen again. So, the question is-- How can you stop the "stories" that you are concocting in your head that may or may not be true? The answer is to stay in the present moment. What we mean by staying in the present moment is when you feel yourself drifting into conjecture about what may or may not be happening, mentally pull yourself into what is true right now. Even if there's a basis for your jealous thoughts, come into the present moment, stop the "stories," and come up with a plan to discover what's real in your situation. You might say this is easier said than done but we say that it just takes practice and the desire to change an old behavior that is causing you problems in your life. If you find your mind wandering to jealous thoughts and you know that there's really no reason for those thoughts, shift to doing something that you consider fun, calming or stimulating. Ask yourself this question-- "What do I like to do that either I haven't done in a long time or I don't do enough of it?" It might be that when you begin to create "stories" in your head, you decide to take a walk and focus on the beauty around you. Not only is the walk good for you but the movement will help shift your thoughts. It might be that you decide to play with your dog, work in your garden, or read a book. Whatever it is, make a conscious decision to breathe and change your thoughts. This is not to deny your feelings but rather to shift your attention so that your jealousy doesn't turn into a monster. If you do, we think that you will see your jealous thoughts, feelings and actions lessen and you will move toward your healing. P.O. Box 14544 © 2013 Susie and Otto Collins. All Rights Reserved.
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About Jealousy