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About Jealousy
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Porn on
the Internet: Is Website Porn Causing Jealousy
Problems in Your Relationship?
By Susie and Otto Collins
One problem that is a big jealousy trigger is
website porn. Here's an example of a question we frequently get from
people who are
struggling with this issue:
"Is it natural to get jealous over porn or do
you think I should get
over it because my boyfriend doesn't see it as a
problem but I don't like him doing it. It upsets me."
Here's what we say to people who are faced
with this problem...
Website porn is a pretty common problem between
some couples, with one person doing it and the other person being
upset by it. For whatever reason, the person
viewing the website porn gets something
out of doing it that
he or she's not getting any other way.
What often
happens
in this
"relationship dance" is the person enjoying the
porn, in whatever form, defends his or her actions by telling the
other person relationship that this is "normal" and
the
jealousy is unwarranted. The
person may want to quit but doesn't know how and
goes back to doing
it again and again.
The person who is jealous generally feels
confused, unattractive, not
desirable and maybe even
wondering if he/she is "wrong" to feel this
way.
Because he/she loves
their partner, they don't want to feel this way
but is still upset
and feels like something is not right-either
with them,
their partner
or with their relationship.
If your
partner is indulging in website porn and you are
jealous, we would
suggest
that you start with
YOU and not with your partner's activities that
you find
uncomfortable. We suggest that it is time for
you to look within yourself and ask what you are not getting from
your partner and your relationship that you are wanting.
Get pen and paper and answer these questions and
elaborate on what it is you want in an intimate relationship.
*Do you want more attention?
*More connection?
*More time with him or
her?
*More emotional response from him or her?
*More presence?
*More love?
*More respect?
--What's missing? What do you want more of?
Give yourself the time and the space to discover
what kind of
relationship you want and how you want to be
treated by a partner.
When you have a clear idea of what you want, ask
for it without
blaming or accusing him/her.
Please know that your partner may not change
their porn habit even if they seem willing. This may not be a habit that
he/she truly wants to give up because there is probably some void
within them that this activity fills or attempts to fill for a moment.
Until your partner decides that he/she no longer needs to do this,
wants to change, and
actually gets help,
your relationship will stay the same.
If he/she is not willing to
give it to you or at
least start trying to move in
that direction by getting some help to deal with
his/her addiction, you
have some decisions to make about whether you
want to stay with this
person and be treated in this way.
We would say that you
aren't jealous
of over
the porn but rather you are feeling lack in your
relationship with him/her. Something's missing and until you discover
what you want, you'll never have it. Quit focusing on the porn and
focus on moving toward more of what you want in your relationship. You
deserve it! We all do.
P.O. Box 14544
Columbus, Ohio 43214
(614) 459-8121
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us
© 2013 Susie and Otto Collins. All Rights Reserved.
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