Jealousy- Jealous Habit- Take Responsibility for Your Jealous Habit and Let it Go- Jealousy Information and Advice

Owning Your Jealous Habit Can Help You Break It
By Susie and Otto Collins

"Jealousy made me do it!"
"His flirting made me react that way!"
"Her naivete and friendliness causes me to get jealous!"

Declarations like these have probably been made by countless people in the course of their love relationships or marriages.

They speak to the powerlessness that can appear in the face of jealousy.

Perhaps you've spoken words like this. You found yourself saying, doing or even thinking something that you later may have regretted.

And you used your partner, another person or the jealousy itself as the reason why you said or did what you did.

When jealousy rears its head within you, it can feel like it's taken you over.

It is quite true that the experience people with a jealous habit have is of something (or someone) else causing them to behave in a particular way.

But when it comes down to it, you are the one who said the words, took the actions or thought the thoughts. It is you who made the choice to react from a jealous place.

Of course, there are always complexities in every situation. Each person in a relationship plays a role in whatever dynamic is going on-- jealousy is no different.

When you place the responsibility on people or forces outside yourself, however, you will undoubtedly continue to react and then pretend that you are powerless.

If you truly want to release your jealous habit, it is essential that you take ownership for it and then, from a place of choice, decide to respond differently in various circumstances.

Many of us have habits that we'd like to break.

Whether it's chewing your fingernails, eating cookies when you're
stressed or over-consuming alcohol to numb out, there are varying types and degrees of habits.

A person simply cannot break an unwanted habit until he or she takes responsibility for it.

Those who attend Alcoholics Anonymous meetings stand up and do this. They state their name and follow it up with "I'm an alcoholic." This initial step in stopping alcohol abuse is to own the detrimental habit.

Take Responsibility for Your Jealousy
A jealous habit may not seem as dramatically harmful as abusing alcohol or drugs, for example. We're not interested in making a judgment about any habit here.

We do want to emphasize that when unwanted and disconnecting
behavior is happening in your life and relationship and you want it to change, you need to step up and own your role in it.

We're not wanting you to take the full "blame" for challenges that you and your mate might be encountering.

In fact, as we suggest that you take responsibility for your jealousy, we don't want you to think in terms of blame at all.

When you beat yourself up for any habit-- including jealousy-- you are not lining yourself up to feel be empowered to make a different choice.

Instead, try to look at how you tend to respond to particular situations in your relationship as if you were an outside observer.

Focus in on how you feel and what usually happens before you snap at your mate, spy on him or her, or act in other jealous ways.

Get to know how you tend to respond and then own that piece of the dynamic. Now that you know your tendencies, you can interrupt your habit the next time and make a different choice.

Get clear about what you want.
Be clear within yourself about what you want from your relationship and your life.

Would you like to feel more connected to your mate? Perhaps more open communication is appealing to you. Are there particular habits that your partner has that you would like him or her to change? Is
there something in your past that you need to resolve and let go of?

Try to pinpoint the conditions that are contributing to your jealous habit.

You can still take responsibility for your jealousy while, at the same time, you make an agreement with your partner about his or her flirting, for example.

Keep at the forefront of your mind, a vision of the relationship you want for yourself and your partner. Ask your mate what kind of relationship he or she wants.

Listen to one another and make commitments together that will help move you closer to what you both want.