Jealousy- Jealous Habit- How to Reconnect After a Jealous Meltdown- Jealousy Information and Advice

How to Reconnect After a Jealous Meltdown
By Susie and Otto Collins

When you have a tendency to get jealous, sometimes those fears and uncomfortable feelings build up inside. You might be trying not to be jealous-- or attempting to hide your emotions-- and so they pile up within.

Pretty soon, something happens and all of those jealous feelings you have tried to push down or even deny come erupting out.

You have a jealous meltdown.

You might yell or throw allegations at your partner. You may confront another person who seems to you to threaten your relationship.

You might simply stand up abruptly and storm out of the room with a slam of the door and nothing at all said to explain your behavior.

However your jealous meltdown happens, the effects are probably similar. It is likely that your mate feels confused, frustrated or possibly angry.

You might feel justified in your meltdown, you could be embarrassed by your reaction, or a mixture of both of these.

Ultimately, the distance between you and your partner is probably larger than it was before.

If moving closer to the one you love is something you desire, a jealous meltdown will not be conducive to that goal.

You can reconnect with your mate and take steps to stop your jealous habit-- even after you've had a jealous meltdown.

Laurie doesn't know how she can ever show her face again at the local bar where she and her boyfriend Paul hang out and socialize every weekend.

Not after last night!

Paul and Laurie were having drinks together and playing pool-- it was a usual kind of Friday night. And, as often happens, Paul, Laurie and their friends all had a little too much to drink as the inner tension for Laurie began to build.

Laurie has never liked the way that Paul and a mutual friend of theirs named Cara seem to look at one another. Laurie tries to ignore their looks and flirting but the ill- feeling in her stomach only gets worse as the evening progresses.

Last night, after one too many drinks, Laurie had a jealous meltdown.

She yelled at Cara to "back off and leave Paul alone." Then she turned on Paul and accused him of secretly sleeping with Cara-- or being a few drinks close to doing so. After all of this, Laurie stormed out of the bar and took a cab home alone.

Regroup and reconnect with yourself
If you've have a jealous meltdown, you're going to need some time alone with yourself.

Before you try to talk with your mate about what happened, you need to get clearer within yourself about why the meltdown might have happened in the first place and about what you want to do differently in the future.

Focus in on your recollection of what was going on just before your meltdown. How were you feeling inside and what appeared to trigger jealousy for you?

Don't get sidetracked by guessing what your mate or anyone else was thinking or wanting. Make observations and try to steer clear of assumptions.

Forgive yourself for what happened. Yes, of course, we encourage you to make apologies and amends for your actions that might have been hurtful to others.

At the same time, you cannot easily move toward reconnecting if you are beating yourself up for the meltdown.

Ask yourself what you want to do next.

As Laurie sits with a hot cup of coffee and a bottle of aspirin the next morning, she cringes as she remembers her outburst from the night before.

She is confused about what's truly going on-- if anything is-- between Cara and Paul. Laurie wants to feel closer to Paul and she wants to
trust him.

She really digs in deep and thinks about her relationship with Paul and makes some decisions about her next step.

Apologize and make requests
Even after some time to reflect, you might still feel justified in your jealousy. It may very well be that your mate was overtly flirting or acting inappropriately.

As justified as your jealousy might seem to be, you can probably acknowledge that a meltdown or outburst is not helpful to your relationship.

Nobody likes to be yelled at or accused and a strong reaction like a meltdown certainly doesn't motivate another person to change his or her ways.

When you offer your partner (or another person involved) an apology, do so from the heart. Make amends with sincerity.

You can also make requests that could help you stop your jealous habit and other disconnecting dynamics that might be going on in your relationship.

Laurie meets with Paul later that day. She tells him that she is sorry and she really does mean it.

Laurie admits to Paul that she is often jealous-- especially of the way he and Cara interact with one another.

She takes ownership for her jealousy and her meltdown.

Then Laurie makes some requests of Paul. She tells him that she'd like to address some of the tendencies in their relationship that contribute to her jealousy.

First of all, she requests that they do some different activities together when they go out on dates.

Laurie enjoys the neighborhood bar, but she'd also like to stay home some evenings or attend concerts or movies together. He agrees to this.

She tells him that she intends to pay more attention to how much alcohol she drinks. She is aware of the negative
effects it has on her mood and judgment.

And Laurie also asks Paul to support her emotionally as she finds ways to communicate her needs to him when they are out socializing. She is committed to internally questioning the jealous assumptions she tends to make about Paul and other women like Cara.

Look within for what you need to stop your jealous habit and process your feelings before they mount into a meltdown.

Ask for support and assistance from your mate as you move away from jealousy and closer to your love.