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Want More Attention from Your
Partner? Try this Alternative to Jealousy By Susie and Otto Collins There are plenty of examples on the internet, in magazines and on television that advise readers to try and make their partner jealous in order to improve their relationship. You may be considering this in your own relationship... Maybe it's an attempt to prove to your boyfriend that you are attractive to others and that he should not take you for granted. Perhaps you want your wife to see that you are still a "player" and can pick up any woman you want. Regardless of your specific situation, when you intentionally flirt or closely interact with another person in an attempt to make your partner jealous, you will almost always lose... Even if you "succeed." When a person seeks to make his or her mate jealous, it is often a plea for attention. This is often a desperate plea. It could be that the one who is trying to bring out a jealous reaction in his or her partner feels unloved and neglected in the love relationship or marriage. A jealousy scenario... Beth has tried everything to get her husband, Clay, to notice her. She's calmly talked with him about it. She's cried and screamed at him about it. And she's also read just about every book on relationships that was ever written! Because she is not willing to give up on her marriage and she is also not willing to continue feeling as insignificant to Clay as she does now, Beth is turning to jealousy. A friend of hers encouraged her to pick a man and flirt very obviously with him in front of Clay. It doesn't matter who it is, as long as Clay gets the picture that Beth's attentions are elsewhere. If all goes according to plan, the other man will be friendly with Beth. She hopes that this will be a wake up call for Clay, that he will see that Beth is an attractive and vivacious woman whom he needs to pay more attention to. As relatively innocent as a scenario like this seems, it is destined to bring about even more pain. There are so many ways that a plan to make your partner jealous can go wrong, leaving you heartbroken and alone. For example, with the scheme Beth has in mind, she might find herself sending unintentional messages of romantic or sexual invitation to another man. When he discovers that he is being manipulated and used, he may be upset. Another possible consequence of Beth's attempt to make Clay jealous by flirting is that Clay might not react in the way that she expects. He may ignore her even more. He may feel like she's violating trust between them and close down further. He might even take her flirting with other men as a "green light" for him to flirt with other women (or maybe even have an affair). And let's say that Beth's plan "works" and Clay becomes jealous and begins to pay attention to her again. Is this really the way that Beth wants Clay to re-focus on her and their relationship? Jealousy is usually accompanied by fear and worry. Does Beth want more fear, worry and mistrust in her relationship? Look at your self and look at your relationship. If you are tempted to try to make your partner jealous in order to get his or her attention, think again. Remember the probable consequences of taking such action. You don't have to continue on in your relationship the way that it is. Instead of resorting to jealousy, create some time to take an honest look at your self and your relationship. Become very clear about what it is you feel is lacking in your relationship. How would the two of you treat one another and what would you do together if you were BOTH receiving the attention you crave? Do you feel unworthy of the kind of connection you want with your partner? Does it seem to you that you have to rely on making your partner jealous in order to get the attention you crave? Many times, when people feel neglected in their relationship, they are expecting their partner to do all of the work. For some, this means that the person's mate is continually relied upon to somehow prove to the person that he or she is attractive, interesting, intelligent or a skillful lover. This is tiring work for the partner and usually isn't believed by the person with low self esteem anyway. Take responsibility for your own self esteem. Come to your partner from a place of confidence and assurance in your own worth. From there, you will be better able to make requests for how you would like to be treated. Take your share of the responsibility for relationship connection. Step up and invite your partner to be with you in new ways that may be exciting for you both. There are so many options available to you to improve your relationship and feel more loved and cared for by your partner. As you explore these options, remember, you have the choice and you don't have to rely on jealousy to create the kind of relationship you desire. For more advice on how to overcome jealousy and create the close, connected relationship you want, sign up for Susie and Otto's FREE mini-course "No More Jealousy."
P.O. Box 14544 © 2011 Susie and Otto Collins. All Rights Reserved.
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About Jealousy