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Advice to Help Stop Your
Jealous Worries and Fears By Susie and Otto Collins Do you ever look at your reflection in the mirror and wonder what your partner sees in you? Many of us struggle with and are critical of our looks and other aspects of personality. Judging yourself lacking or inferior not only hurts you, however, it can also quite easily damage your love relationship or marriage. Those negative self-perceptions can easily lead you down the road to jealousy as your worries or fears that your partner will undoubtedly find someone "better," more attractive, wealthier, smarter, etc. can take over. It's quite possible that you've been carrying around a low sense of self-worth since you were a child. There are probably many contributors to the development of your self-defeating thoughts and beliefs. Whether you were abused, teased by peers, picked at by your parents, or whatever you've experienced, you might still be carrying around the wounds or scars from these difficult times. Now, as an adult, you might be so accustomed to seeing yourself as lacking, you may not even notice the assumptions you make. But if you feel jealous worries, it is highly likely that you notice that! Jealousy can make you feel even worse. It is a manifestation of the beliefs you hold about yourself-- and your deservedness of being loved and having this relationship. Jealousy is also a fuel that can deepen your negative sense of yourself. Jealousy is simply a no-win situation and can also feel like a never-ending cycle. *Isn't it time to start feeling better? *Aren't you ready to fully embrace the love that's available to you in this relationship? *Don't you want to move closer to your mate rather than be driven farther away from him or her because of jealousy? These are important questions to ask yourself. If your answers are 'yes,' then it's time to start making changes and turn toward feeling better as you release jealousy. Stop comparing. When it comes to feeling lacking and when it comes to jealousy, competitiveness and comparing are dangerous games. For example, if you tend to judge your body size and perceived attractiveness against other men or women in your life, your comparing probably isn't benefiting anyone. If you have a track record of feeling negatively about your appearance, you will undoubtedly judge yourself as less than this other person. Even if you are able to see yourself as more appealing than a certain person, your potentially "good" feelings will probably be short-lived as you keep playing the comparing game. When you can start to appreciate and value yourself as you are without comparing, you are on your way to improved feelings. You can also appreciate other people for who they each are and not feel like you have to be on the "lookout" for potential threats. If you notice yourself beginning to judge yourself in comparison to another person, see if you can just pause before getting too deep in this self-induced competition. You might ask yourself if it will serve either you or the person you are comparing yourself with to continue to play this game. You could also remember that your goal is to feel better and move closer to your partner-- jealousy from feeling less than will not point you toward that goal. Stop giving away your power. Sometimes in a relationship, a person who has a tendency to feel a low sense of self-worth will depend on his or her partner for continual reassurance. Essentially, the person who feels lacking and jealous worries will give away his or her power. It's as if the jealous person's whole sense of self (in that moment) depends on the partner saying just the "right" thing. If the partner is distracted or having an off day, the re-affirmation of love and bolstering may not be available. This can send the jealous person into a tailspin of fear and worry and further feelings of lack. This isn't fair to either you or your partner if you tend to heavily rely on your mate to feel good about yourself. So stop giving away your power! Start relying on yourself to feel good. You might need to decide to release the limiting beliefs you've been carrying around about yourself in order to do so. But when you can feel worthy and good-- or even improved in these areas-- all on your own, you are so much freer to share the love and connection that may already be there in your relationship. From this more solid and affirming sense of your self, you can open up to moving even closer to your love. It will be far easier to allow any jealous twinges to just be recognized and then released from such a place. They will cease to be so intense and damaging. The best news of all is you can feel more whole, more worthy and more fully alive. P.O. Box 14544
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