Jealousy- Jealous Fears of an Emotional Affair- Information and Advice about Emotional Affairs and Jealousy

Jealousy Tips: How to Deal with Your Jealous Fears that
Your Partner is Having an Emotional Affair
By Susie and Otto Collins

Should you be worried if your partner in a heterosexual relationship has a close, emotional bond with a friend of the opposite sex? Are your jealous fears something to be dismissed and ignored or should you take them seriously? How can you really tell the difference between a close friendship and an emotional affair anyway?

If your love is involved in a friendship that seems, to you, to be especially close and emotionally intimate, you might be grappling with questions like these. Nobody wants to be the controlling and jealous partner who doesn't allow his or her mate to have friendships with members of the opposite sex.

On the other hand, nobody wants to be caught off-guard and betrayed by a friendship that turned out to be more than just a friendship.

Our initial advice to you is to not dismiss anything you are feeling. All emotions are valid and can be beneficial to growth and expansion. Give yourself permission to feel what you are feeling-- keep the emphasis on the emotions and less on the thoughts or beliefs that might try to attach to your emotions.

Our second bit of advice is to get clear within yourself about what you really know to be true in this present relationship before going to your partner with an accusation that he or she is having an emotional affair.

Tune in and try to distinguish between past experiences that may still be lingering and clouding your perceptions of the right now. Make a distinction between the information about your partner and his or her friend that you have real evidence about and that "information" that
you have only assumed or guessed.

The difference is really important. Too often our jealous fears cause us to create sometimes elaborate stories in our minds that are not very rooted in what's really going on.

There are many clues to look at when determining whether or not your partner's friendship is actually an emotional affair. Here are a few possible indicators that the friendship between your mate and this other person may be more than it seems....

Possible indicators of an emotional affair:
*Your partner is secretive about his or her interactions with this particular friend.
*Your mate seems to prefer spending time with the other person rather than being with you.
*There is evidence that these two people share a strong emotional bond-- perhaps stronger than the one that you share with him or her.
*There are deeper feelings of sensual or sexual attraction below the surface of the friendship.
*Your partner shares emotionally intimate information with this friend that he or she doesn't share with you.

Let's be clear here. If you feel strongly that your partner and his or her friend fit any of these clues, it doesn't automatically mean that an emotional affair is going on. These are possible indicators and may not add up to a betrayal. However, if it seems to you that these
indicators fit the situation you are observing, it could be a wake up call for you to look more closely.

What can I do if I suspect that my mate is having an
emotional affair?
From here you can choose to confront your partner and accuse him or her of having an emotional affair. If you choose this response, the chances are high that more distance will form between you and your mate. He or she is apt to close down and turn away from you even more.

Is this what you really want?

Instead, we recommend that you tune in to the relationship between you and your partner. We're not suggesting that you ignore his or her friendship that may be an emotional affair. Consider re-focusing on how you and your mate interact and explore areas where you two are possibly disconnected.

This tactic not only offers you a fuller picture of the whole scenario, it could also have the benefit of bolstering your relationship.

You might even share with your mate that you would like to make your relationship with one another more of a priority. Ask your partner if he or she is willing to join you in moving closer together. If your partner is willing to do this, you two could come up with some specific ways that feel good and doable to both of you.

When you are feeling calm and confident, you can make requests of your partner regarding his or her relationship with this friend. Coming from a place of calm is important. Otherwise, your requests are going to sound more like demands or ultimatums driven by jealousy and
fear.

It is more likely that your partner will stay open to your requests and boundaries when you can express them from an affirming place. Practice communicating what you want rather than what you don't want. When you set a boundary, share how you feel and what you want and don't try to guess or assume what your partner or his or her friend feels.

It is vital that you take care of your jealous fears before you attempt to communicate with your partner about a friendship that could be an emotional affair. Yes, an emotional affair might hurt just as much as other infidelities hurt. We understand that you don't want to experience this kind of a betrayal.

But if you choose to stay in this relationship, you can effectively rebuild trust and start to move closer together by coming to your partner without the jealousy-- it will only create more blocks to the relationship you want. Instead, be clear about the relationship you want and communicate those desires with love and assurance.