Is This
Just Jealousy Talking or
Is My Partner Actually Lying and Cheating?
By Susie and Otto Collins
Kate has noticed that her husband Bob smells
different than usual. He has never been
one to wear cologne, but for the past couple of
weeks, she's detected the odor of men's
fragrance on his clothes and body.
The first time that Kate noticed the cologne
smell, she figured that Bob must have been to a
new barber shop who doused him with something.
But then she continued to notice that smell.
After a couple of times noticing this foreign
cologne on Bob, Kate asked him about it. It
seemed to Kate that he became fidgety and even a
little defensive-- and she tried to ask about
the scent in a very casual manner.
Bob claimed that he took his suits to a new dry
cleaner and that they were using a strong and
perfumed cleaning chemical.
The only problem with Bob's response is, Kate
has always taken care of dry cleaning for the
both of them. They get a special discount as
frequent customers at their usual dry cleaners.
She can't figure out why Bob would go to a
different place and not mention it to her first.
Since Kate started recognizing the different
cologne smell on Bob, she's begun to feel
suspicious. None of this makes sense to her. She
has many questions about Bob's reason why he now
smells like cologne-- it just doesn't add up.
Then again, she can't imagine that Bob would
ever betray her or their marriage. Is she just
being jealous or is he actually lying to her and
having an affair?
Make the choice to get to the truth.
If you are in a situation like Kate's and you
feel troubled about inconsistencies in your
mate's behavior or words, you are probably
feeling stirred up inside.
It's likely that a part of you wants to get to
the truth and find out, once and for all,
whether or not your partner is having an affair.
At the same time, there may be another part of
you that is worried about what you might
discover if start investigating.
Are you ready to face the potential facts that
support your suspicions and prove that your mate
is lying to you and cheating?
In some ways, it can seem easier to chock your
worries up to mere jealousy.
But, as you know, it's not easier.
Jealousy can be painful and destructive to
experience-- for both you and your relationship.
But continuing to live a possible lie if your
partner is cheating and lying is just as painful
and destructive.
We will not tell you that you have to gather
information and assess
whether or not your partner is having an affair.
This has to be your decision.
Usually when a person decides to take steps to
determine whether or not his or her mate is
lying and cheating, that person has reached the
limit.
The worry and discomfort of continued suspicion
and the images of what could be going on have
grown large and unwieldy.
It is at this point, that a person might decide
that it's time to stop the guessing and start
gathering information he or she can trust in
order to finally know the truth.
Kate has reached that point.
She decides that she's tired of feeling like her
jealous mind is leading her astray. This whole
situation has started to make her feel
mistrusting of her own thoughts and
inclinations.
So now, Kate has decided to begin to
systematically record her observations of Bob.
She has a notebook (kept in a private location)
in which she will write down when she notices
him coming home smelling like cologne. She
also plans to search their financial records for
possible transactions he claims to have made at
this new dry cleaner.
With enough information, Kate hopes that she can
make a clearer assessment of whether or not Bob
is having an affair. She understands that if she
discovers that what he's been claiming is true,
she needs to address her jealousy and make some
internal changes.
Kate feels sad that her marriage to Bob has
declined to this point, but she is certain that
she can no longer live with all of these doubts,
fears and unanswered questions.
If you are struggling with suspicions or worries
that your partner is lying to you and having an
affair and you are ready to start the process of
finding out the truth, check out our new
program:
Where
There's Smoke There's Fire: How To Tell If Your
Man's a Cheating Liar.
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About Jealousy