Relationship Advice to Help When You're Jealous...and Your Partner Has Cheated Before
By Susie and Otto Collins

Jealousy is a very uncomfortable experience to have. It can feel like it's tearing you up inside and it can cause severe damage to your love relationship or marriage.

When you and your partner are in the process of rebuilding trust after one or both of you had an affair, it can be even more difficult to know what to do next when you feel jealous.

Determining whether or not your partner is cheating again or if your jealousy is making you believe things that aren't true can be a real challenge.

The trust between Rick and Suzanne seems so fragile. Since the day that Suzanne admitted to her affair, Rick has been working with her to rebuild their relationship.

They met with a relationship coach, read books and listened to cds about relationship trust and Suzanne has willingly been transparent with Rick...until recently.

For the past month, Rick has felt a growing distance between he and Suzanne. She seems to him to be more secretive as well. This reminds him too much of the way it felt when she was having the affair.

Rick has found himself listing off the possible men she could be cheating with-- this time.

Learn how to listen to you.
We never want you to immediately reject a message coming from within you.

However, we do strongly encourage you to learn how to listen to yourself so that you can know if a thought or belief is coming from jealous fear or from an intuitive knowing (aka your gut).

We definitely advise you to wait before you act or speak if you aren't certain whether you are being motivated by jealousy or a certainty that will be in your best interests-- in the long-term as well as the short-term.

One technique you can use as you learn how to listen to you is this:

When you notice that you are feeling stirred up and find yourself thinking that your partner is (or might be) having an affair again, take a deep breath. Stop thinking and just follow your breathing-- in and out-- for a 3-5 breaths.

Next, from this slightly calmer place, re-call the thought that you were having that made you feel worried or upset. Ask yourself, "Do I know this to be true?"* Your answer could be "yes" and it could be "no."

While simply posing this question to yourself will probably not automatically make your jealousy go away, you can come away with more clarity than before.

Just questioning the thoughts you are having can break in the momentum that jealousy thrives upon. And from whatever answer you give, you can better know what your next step might be.

Learn to listen and look for facts upon which you can rely
Rick has begun to breathe and question his thoughts when he starts to list off the men with whom Suzanne might be having another affair. He always finds that he doesn't absolutely know that it is true that she is even having an affair.

But he is still noticing a disconnection between the two of them and he'd like to know what's causing it.

With greater clarity, you can determine what information you need to know in order to answer the questions that you have.

From there, you can start to listen and look for evidence that relates to these questions.

We don't recommend that you approach this with your mind already made up-- that's often the jealousy talking. Instead, keep your mind as open as you can and take note of your partner's words and behaviors.

Particularly if your mate has had an affair in the past-- or even if you are the one who cheated-- you might feel predisposed to believe that infidelity is going on again.

It is vital that you keep yourself rooted in the present moment.

If you would like more ideas about what to do-- and what not to do-- if you suspect that your partner is cheating, check out our free report: "12 Relationship-Killing Mistakes You Could Be Making if You Suspect Your Man's Lying or Cheating"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
*This technique is adapted from "The Work" by Byron
Katie.

P.O. Box 14544
Columbus, Ohio 43214
(614) 459-8121 Email us  

© 2011 Susie and Otto Collins. All Rights Reserved.  

What is Jealousy? ‌‌ Jealousy Articles ‌ Jealousy Quotes ‌ Recommended Relationship Resources ‌ Relationship Coaching ‌ About Susie and Otto ‌ Links ‌ Link to Us ‌
‌ Site Map  Terms of Service  Privacy Policy Home